Untold secrets of BDSM: It’s not for perverts anymore

Despite the enlightened 21st century and sexual emancipation for many, the abbreviation BDSM is equated in its meaning to sado-maso style relationships. Undoubtedly, these relationships, which have taken the names of Marquis de Sade and Zahera-Masoch, are part of the decoding of this combination of letters but do not fully reveal its wealth. Initially, the letters that make up the name of this philosophy, I will not be afraid to say, were somewhat larger and it sounded like this – BDDSSM.

BD – bondage and discipline, lack of freedom of the body, liberating the mind and feelings, obedience, education, interaction on the verge of training.

DS– domination and submission, coarse or coercive, it is the game of power and impeccable and sometimes daring submissiveness.

SM – sadism and masochism, the euphoria of pain and this too. Someone attracts precisely this, and someone feels blissful at the top, when the pain goes away, someone goes crazy about the anticipation of the whole cycle of pain and euphoria. For convenience, the doubled letters have been shortened and the abbreviation has become familiar and familiar.

The above already gives a broader overview of what is a BDSM relationship, how diverse and multifaceted they are. And opaque hints that BDSM is not just sex. A walk in a collar hidden under a scarf along a crowded street, a trip in public transport, being in Hisi harness hidden under a raincoat (Hisi is a full-body harness with a diamond-shaped pattern). This is not sex in its direct sense, providing for penetration, but it is insanely sexy and this is BDSM. And it’s not just physiology – the slight squeezing of the throat with the collar, the friction of the rope on the erogenous zones is a psychological ecstasy.

Soul excitement, if you will. The fear that someone will notice everything, will guess about everything, the pleasure of breaking the ban, adrenaline in the blood and many other diverse feelings are woven into a single pleasure. And there are countless such examples – the limitation of sensitivity, transformation into animals, role-playing games, steel, fire, wax – just not to list. Someone comes up with a script for the future session on their own, someone uses the tips of more experienced practitioners. Their goal is the same – to deliver a sensual pleasure and psychological relaxation to a partner. This may be an independent act, not ending with penetration and orgasm, and only a prelude to the main part.

Here it is important not to forget that there is something that distinguishes beautiful BDSM from elementary and primitive violence. There are three principles of any genuine BDSM relationship, without which everything can really look and be dangerous and unpleasant.

Safety, Volunteerism, Intelligence: On these three words, all accusations and prejudices that the BDSM is the lot of inadequate people deprived of their usual sex are broken into dust. Real BDSM is always a free and informed choice of personality. Yes, the upper partner does whatever it wants with his lower partner. But only within the framework of what they together defined as permissible and only until the “stop word” sounds.

And then it will mean that the top at the same second stops its impact on the lower partner without reservations and delays unless a stop word is specifically stated, only reducing the degree of impact. This is a consequence and a guarantee of security and voluntariness of all participants in the relationship.

The upper one trusts his desires to the partner, feels the omnipotence of fulfilling the desires of the lower, and at the same time he is sure that his actions are really pleasant, despite the possible and very likely play of resistance from the lower. And even if something still goes wrong, the stop word will always stop it. The lower partner, in turn, fully entrusts himself to the dominant power, since he knows for sure that nothing that he would not want to happen to him will happen. And if necessary, he can simply stop the process with the help of a stop word or a conventional sign.

All three principles give rise to the very thing without which any close relationships are impossible, and the real BDSM is an outrageous form of proximity. It’s about trust. Its one thing to trust a partner to penetrate you in a well-known way, and it’s quite another to substitute a defenseless throat with fingers squeezing in strangulation. It is worth noting here that there are also such individuals who prefer, even being the bottom, to control the whole process “from and to”. They enjoy pleasure and proper discharge, but they may not get everything, because control of the situation distracts attention and strength. If this is their comfort zone, then there is not a single reason to violate it until desire arises. Directly proportional ratio of pleasure seems to us undeniable, and how much everyone is ready to receive for himself is only for him to decide.

Anal sex: Many more have this phrase causing conflicting feelings. For some, this is an unusual and very pleasant sensation, often giving an orgasm, and for someone – an obscene and dirty business. The negative attitude to non-traditional types of sex, which, in particular, is anal contact, is based on the prejudice that this is done by people with certain anomalies. Yes, there are some young people who prefer homosexual contact to heterosexual contact. But this article is more likely not addressed to homosexuals; because they understand perfectly well why one or another anal stimulator is needed.

So why do you need it – anal sex?

First, anal stimulation gives pleasure to most men, regardless of their sexual orientation due to the anatomical location of the organs of the reproductive system (the prostate is stimulated during anal contact). Many men do not confess about their desires, fearing misunderstanding on the part of their partner.

Secondly, anal stimulants and anal toys in general can solve the problem of the anatomical discrepancy of the partners’ genitals. If the partner, for example, after childbirth, has weakened the muscular wall of the vagina and during intimacy it no longer tightly embraces the man’s penis, then the woman and the man no longer receive the full sensation of sex. This problem is easily solved if the partners use a small anal plug during sexual intercourse. The stimulator inserted into the anus expands it, thereby significantly narrowing the vagina. And thirdly, the use of anal stimulants is simply necessary if the partners decide to have anal sex, because the introduction of the penis into the anus without prior preparation of this area for such a contact can lead to very painful sensations and even injuries. The product made of plastic does not have any unexpected irregularities or nicks, if any, try to eliminate them using, for example, a nail file. The most hygienic use of the product is with a condom, if it allows its volume.

Before use, it is necessary to treat the product with any intimate water-based or silicone-based lubricant, thus avoiding discomfort during use, as well as reducing the likelihood of injury the occurrence of scuffs and mucosal micro traumas. The most suitable for anal sex are special anal lubricants, as well as silicone-based lubricants. Using any thing for anal stimulation, make sure that part of it remains outside the body, otherwise there is a high probability that you will not be able to remove it without medical assistance. All special anal toys are equipped to keep the product outside. Do not use the product at the same time for anal and vaginal stimulation. This can lead to infection.

Can you use lotion as lubricant for anal sex? Do not use as a lubricant substances on the basis of fat (petroleum jelly, vegetable oils, creams) and others not specifically designed for this substance, it can damage both the material from which the product is made and your health. In any shop “Sex”, you will find a wide range of intimate lubricants, including lubricants designed specifically for anal sex. After use, the product must be treated with warm water and soap.

Anal balls, beads, chains are intended for both women and men during prelude to sexual intercourse, as well as to stimulate the erogenous zones of the anus during sexual contact. The anal chain is a sex toy, which consists of several small balls of variable or equal diameter, connected in series with each other by rigid or flexible jumpers. It is usually made of silicone, latex or plastic.